He tells me the story of his winter camping trip - all those tough city kids living up north for days, cooking food outdoors and hiking the trails like hunters. They were telling jokes apparently - spreading themselves across the Lake Huron ice, hands tucked warm in mittens and toques pulled low, boots firm against a thick foundation under which the hibernating fish dreamed of summer. Safe and sound and making memories those kids wouldn't get without The Farm.
Safe and sound like a bleeding tuna in a shark tank.
"One of the kids was saying how he would like to bring a girl there on a date and show her the frozen lake and say, 'I just wanted to break the ice...'"
I've just picked him up from work, it's nearing midnight and snow blows in sheets across the road from Eugenia. He's fully alive but yesterday I could have been a widow.
"So I called the group over so he could tell them his line and he started - he said, 'I just wanted to break the..' CRACK! And I went down!"
"No!" I say, "There's no way - that's like bad comedy writing!"
"I know! But that's what happened!"
And if he wasn't a ninja (True story! I know where he keeps his nunchucks!) he wouldn't have been fast enough to catch himself and I might not have had anybody to drive home and those poor kids would have taken home a memory of 'hey, remember when that staff guy got hoovered into Lake Huron and turned into chow for the hydrogen sulphide-spewing prehistoric monster colonies that lurk in it's depths...?'
Dear Icebreaker Husband,
Thanks for not dying. That was real thoughtful of you. Perhaps we should look into some increased life insurance before your next adventure? And in the future, maybe you could stay off the ice? I'd really appreciate that.
You certainly know how to overwork a guardian angel...poor thing has probably put in for a transfer at this point. (Remember that time you got run over by a truck???)
Despite it all, I have to admit, it is kind of cool that you have earned yourself a real-life superhero name.
Come a little closer, Icebreaker...I'll melt you in no time!